Friday, January 20, 2012

Poem - Nocturna #3

till the end of the day,
she does nothing by wait
Just to go outside to asphyxiate with the very air she breaths
Thinking back to the times where no one understood her but Valo himself, 
She realizes that nothing has changed
Scared to death
Heartache every moment
Shattered by hope
Just like Saint Valentine
Death is in love with her and she is the Sacrament
She dances with death on her toes while awaiting for her own acoustic funeral
They are all the heartless,
Because they can never be satisfied
Disarmed with the loneliness of everyone she loves,
Poison girl will sit alone and dream
She's drunk on shadows just like everyone thinks
How will it be to prove wrong every voice she hears?
She always wonders, but never succeeds
Because she's exactly the way everyone thinks
Her body runs on emotions rather than blood,
But she can't help that..
Her only mission is to pronounce the happiness of others,
Yet again, she will never succeed
Look at the stars and smother her heart, open her up
She's Only an urn of ashes waiting to be spread over the shore
how could you let her fall apart?
God, You are not who the Holy Book says that You are
Some wounds are never meant to heal,
They stay open instead of scar,
But which is worse?
pour in the salt and listen to it sizzle,
Remind her that she's still alive

Thursday, January 19, 2012

sad cloud, happy cloud :3

drawn in photoshop cs3

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Poem - Nocturna #2

nobody knows the trouble she sees
Sitting outside
Saint valentine by her side
Because who else will she ever need
The oxygen is what kills her
She chooses a different air to breath
Because whats taking her life is life itself
But there is no point in wanting to leave
Nocturna subsides as she lies outside
In the middle of a winter night
Although she hates winter; she hates the cold
But maybe she likes the pain
She likes the way it cracks her skin
Briskly; but she longs for heat
Feelings that flow from breast to bone
The warmth of the thought masks the trembling
Her eyes close as she wonders through the oasis of her own mind
Enchanted as it may be, it isnt there
Life once again takes it's toll as hope shatters her heart
And the missing piece of her staring out into the clouds
Because her Saint Valentine sitting with her now, is only a mirage
What she misses is the real thing
Thus her fantasies ignite into blue flames
She slips off her shoes as not to wake her housemates and crawls into Her empty bed,
Saint Valentine, wont you come save her from the seisure of a winters night
Free her from her troubles in the way you know her so well to desire
Embrace her within your arms and keep her safe
Let her feel your breath,
Your hair brush her neck,
Give her what she says she wants and she'll show you back her love without words
Communication in only deep breathes and stares, until she can think no more
No thoughts are no worries
You can't keep away for long or she'll remind you that you're the same
You don't have to wait for her to invite you in
There's not one thing forbidden
Her solitude remains stable, even with you in it
Because for you, Saint Valentine,
She's smitten

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

new self pixels :)

do you recognize any of these 5 outfits?
my guitar shirt? my zombie clip, striped socks, cheatah print shirt and even my new years outfit :)
im happy with them ^^

pixel paintings

i made my first set of these about 2 years ago,
here are some i did today.

made solely with the new microsoft paint program.
i'm debating whether to do canvas paintings of these, 
because i really like them.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Poem - Nightmare #5

what is there to hope, to say, to feel,
or to wonder?
is there any way you can take it in?
is there any way that you'll really get it?
i'm not just any person, there's no simple thing about me
everything i do, there is at least 5 reasons
experiences behind those reasons
and the reasons why they happened.
there's not enough time to explain.
there's too much to learn, there's too much to see.
there is just way too much about the true me.
and it doesn't matter to anybody
that's the way it feels.
you call it twisted words, but it's just me being real
don't take the time to ask how i am if you don't really care how i feel
don't tell me to get over anything or forget about the past,
because you know you won't do it either
i forgive, but i don't forget.
my memory, my heart and my brain won't let me
partially because it's wrong,
and partially because it will happen again.
i will never forget for a reason.
whether my way worked or not, i now what to do or what not to do,
you wouldn't want me to make the same mistake twice,
now would you?
i don't avenge nor do i get revenge.
i do not laugh towards the pity of others and i do not laugh at thier pain
no matter how many times you wish me dead
this will all still stay the same.
i will not change.
now look me in the eyes, you can't see through me.
i'll bet you every penny to my name that you can feel my pain
i don't have to tell you for you to know, but you wont stop
nobody will stop, no matter if i say please or not
we just go in circles
the fighting, the swearing,
the accusals. i can't handle it
you think i can't handle anything
you think i never can
you try walking even one step in my shoes, and say that to me again
you want to die now, don't you.
don't you. all of you.
try one more time, just do it
you want to push me over the edge,
now don't you.
what? what else did you tell?
what words came out of you?
are you done?
why don't you tell me.
why don't you tell me why you're not done.
do you feel provoked?
do you feel the pressure?
do you feel how i feel?
this is me, everyday.
and you do not understand that.
you don't understand that everyone talks to me like that.
because all i ever do is fail.
and you know that voice, you know it well
you prove it right
when the end is near and the time has come,
no one will know because it will already be done.
and no one can prevent anything,
because they wont know.
you can't watch me constantly and i act very well
you wont have a clue that i'm hurting,
i'll just mask it like i always do and not talk about it
i'll become a doormat for everyone like i was woven out to be
a carpet, the shaggy kind.
you can't say you don't like it.
because that's what you have always wanted
i may choose to make your wish come true
but do i really want to be a shag carpet, for you?
i'd rather dissappear.