Saturday, December 14, 2013

update [hair, accounts, random stuff]

hey, my hair's purple again! awesome for me, my job didnt care.
i feel a lot better with purple in my hair.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Photography - Nicko [with close ups]

got to shoot my baby today :) i missed photography.
if i actually owned a dslr i'd do it alot more.
these were taken with a Canon Rebel

Monday, October 14, 2013

Mini Photoshoot ft. custom tail by Dead Dogma!

photos by Nick :)
you can see it a little bit :) it's got a clip, a pewter heartagram pendant, chains and plastic bones, measured to my height and made from high quality faux fur :) completely custom made, i adore it.
if you like my tail, i'm sure it would be rad to get your own, eh?
contact Dead Dogma for details :) 
Dogma is currently taking commissions for both custom tails and drawings!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

mini-photoshoot [[+new hair!]]


(all photos taken by Nick)

i dyed my hair brown recently :) these were taken the other day on me & nick's 4 year anniversarry,
my boyfriend is a pretty awesome photographer :D

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Monday, May 27, 2013

finished my Esmeralda cosplay!!


this last photo is my favorite :)
i did what i thought was most realistic:
skirt from Nu Image, hip scarf from a bellydance store, waiste sincher from Ebay and shirt from a local thrift store :)
the jewelry i got for a dollar each in the mall.
i've gotten great feedback so far :D

tell me what you think?!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Freestyle Dance - Love Without Tears by HIM (no edit)

subscribe to me on YouTube if you havent :)
i'll sub back if you let me know ♥

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

#OOTD: Glamdana

listening to so much glam rock lately just makes me wanna go back to that era i missed and live it up...but unfortunately there are no time machines, so i'll just have to settle for rocking a bandana a few times a week :) and i have one in every color xx

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

#OOTD: GothGypsy

older outfit, i forgot to post it
but i love it ^_^

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

i dont know.

 it really sucks when no one gives a real fuck about you. i've been so borderline these past few weeks and not a single person actually cares... i always deal with other people's problems but no one ever gives a damn about mine. i almost never want to talk about what i'm going through, but when i do, nobody listens. they either talk over me, give one or two word responses, or just revert back to themselves and how their problems mean so much more than mine. whether its good or bad feelings, no one gives a single, misuscule shit. and it sucks. i'm alone all the time, and its depressing. i dont hang out with or talk to guys like other girls do, so i cant hang out with girls because they're always with guys. nick is all i have, and he gets mad at me for wanting to hang out with him all the time. i just wish someone really cared. enough to just hang out with me/me & other girls and have fun. i cant expect other people to adapt to my situation and i dont. and i dont ask anyone to. i'm not even close enough to anyone to ask them to do something with me. i'm not close to anyone. they say they're close to me, but i dont feel close to them i'm not comfortable asking anyone to hang out with me. it sucks seeing all the tagged photos on facebook of all my freinds new and old hanging out with eachother, and i have to sit there and see it and be okay with it, while i sit in my room alone. if i dissappeared, it most likely wouldnt matter to anybody. nothing in life would change for really anyone. and that thought in itself is depressing. but what does it matter? it doesnt... i just might as well not care about anything. so i guess i just wont..

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


went to a car meet with Nick today and he had his DSLR so he took some pretty bad-ass photos of me :D
i feel awesome in these~

Sunday, April 7, 2013

freestyle dance/edits (radioactive by imagine dragons)

 so, this is how i dance...most people dont even know i dance now or that i ever have, but its a passion of mine. i made this video 2 days ago and put it on facebook and got some great feedback from my dancer and non-dancer why not commit social suicide and put it on youtube lol 
i'm not looking for critiques, so please dont. if you like it, say it, if you don't...well i'm not a proffessional and dont plan to be but i also get discouraged easily, and this is something im not necessarily all that confident in so anything mean you say WILL hurt my feelings haha
the original caption from the facebook post is below this, explains my dance history and what-not...enjoy it if you can

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

i'm overdue for a massive update.

been super busy lately so i need to make one.
i have many things to update on
so, it'll be soon :) very soon.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Outfit of the Day - #emogurlswag

obvious title is obvious...i just look super emo here xD
but i looove my outfit :D and how i did my hair,
i felt cute :3 it happens.
i finally got my skeleton tights in the mail,
so i had to make an outfit! 
this was the result :)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

random pictures


Sunday, March 17, 2013

Happy St.Patrick's Day


♣♧ⒻⒺⒺⓁⒾⓃⒼ ⓁⓊⒸⓀⓎ♧♣ ~ fun make-up for St.Patrick's Day!

Happy St.Pat's! i made this cute make-up tutorial (the second one i've ever made) with some cute/pretty make up for the holiday :)
 its pretty, simple, but still with a little bling :3 i hope you enjoy my video!

dedicated to Melonie because the song is by Kerli ♥

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Minun onni on teidän käsissänne (singing)

i wrote this song in 2010,
the lyrics are on this blog...
curious to how it sounds? click play :)

Monday, February 25, 2013

Making my own clip-in extensions [[+video]]


 i think they turned out pretty cute :) i'd been wanting purple extensions for a while now and bought them on a whim. they werent clip-ins, so i bought clips and made them clip-ins myself :D i tried to record the whole process, but it effed up -_- but i got one of the second ones recorded! and i talked about what i did. i hope you guys like it :D here's some pictures :3

this is my new signature pose :)

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Meshuggah! [[pictures]]

Jens Kidman
if you couldnt tell, i had a fucking BLAST!!!
and thats my new friend Hannah :) she's rad

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Poem - Teena(n)g(st)ers

parties are no longer fun and games
fighting over spilled milk is no longer a serious thing
you're weird if you play with dolls,
and the word "toy" has an all new meaning
   so does everything else
deciding every day what you're taking from your closet
pants or a shirt, a jacket
a skeleton, or your sexuality
and which one of those things you want the most attention for
you're worried about outdoing each other
while you're all out doing each other
some even creating new lives within their new lives
and not thinking about how it will affect your life,
when really, you don't even have one
because every move you make is social suicide
and you can't choose your friends,
because your actions choose them for you
the teen age, is teen angst
and that's all it'l ever be
it'll be the 7/10ths of a decade where you lived more than you should have
           the 7/10ths of life you'll remember hating the most
           the 7/10ths of a time where you wished you were dead
    and the 7/10ths you'd give the world to go back to
because the teen age is all angst
and that's all it'll ever be.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Poem - Scripted

i still live in a world where snowflakes are potatoes
where the sun is really a spotlight
and every morning is a curtain call
every person you walk past is a character all their own,
their parents taking rights as co-authors
and ever person near as directors
though only you can decide whether you're the protagonist
or antagonist
or maybe just an extra - for now
and that your spin-off is soon to come
doesn't it all make sense?
since according to the Book,
our lives could be truly scripted
wardrobe is one of my favorites,
hair and make up is a close second
because i feel I'm a character myself
and if life is really a stage,
then to stealing the show is my place
maybe this is my big break...

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Poem - Finger Swirl

Finger swirl, loving twirl
hand embrace, hearts at pace
its me and you
and it's never untrue
a symbol since before we ever met.

finger swirl, feelings-a-whirl
minds erase, lost in space
its you and me
a together, we
will never let anyone take that away.

finger swirl, bodies curl
unfamiliar place, just in case
its me and you
and we fit; you knew
a destiny if there's one i've ever felt,

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Poem - Namesake

it was odd when i noticed your eyes were green
i  realized that as much as i love you,
that i really hadn't payed enough attention.
i never thought about how it might make you feel,
that I'm always saying how much i hate my name,
when i a your namesake
attempting to imagine how many quarters you've given me
over the course of nearly a score
every time we'd visit a store
and now I'm realize you're more than four...
and i should have appreciated you more.
you were the first person i ever saw
the mother of my mother, who saw me before my own mom
you were my first best friend,
more often, my only one...
and despite your good health,
i still tear when i think of the chances of you ever meeting my children.
because i want you to live forever
if anyone could, it would be you
i hope you surpass Abraham
and i almost hope my mom does too
because after everything that's happened,
and all that you've been through,
if anyone deserves true longevity
Grandma, it's you.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Poem - Late Night Fight

i don't deserves the words you give me
and i know that i try far too hard
      you know
      you judge
and i don't care for your flaws,
       i'd expect you to feel the same
but it's unfortunate, for me,
you'll never see me for my efforts.
and my littlest mistake, you find me so horrid
you give me these definitions,
and thier simply your connotations
and so untrue, because you know i'm true
and i wish you'd treat me that way
why do you do it?
why do you think i deserve it...

Monday, February 11, 2013

Poem - Friendship Mountain

it was a "once upon a time"
a when-we-were-young
a 7 year old with a theory told the boy with blue eyes
"if you plant a pebble like a seed
in the gravel by the wood
that it grows into more"
he didn't believe me,
not until we were both 10
when he pulled me aside at recess
after a sad happening
and we sat on the wood,
and he told me that he remembered
and asked me if i did,
and he dug a hole, then set the pebble in
together, we spread a heet of rocks over the seed
it was a sunny friday, in spring
that monday, there was a hill of fresh, new rocks
s we left the school doors,
his blue eyes widened, as did my smile
our seed had blossomed into a beatiful mountain
and our friendship did as well
and i was content in knowing
that my philosophy created a gravel hill

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Poem - Irrelevance

the sense isn't there
no, not for me
because i do not understand
how you are supposed to create
if you aren't allowed to feel.

if you can't, where do you go?
                     what do you do?
                    what do you see?

                                 if not a heart...

how do i achieve empathy?
            possible sympathy?
            a type of telepathy?
if you can't give others something to relate to

    how do you understand
                         each other,
                     or anything at all?

call it what you want;
feelings | emotions | sentiments | irrelevance
     but no matter what,
          i think you're wrong.
                  that, and beyond.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Poem - This Ring

this ring
so simple, sweet and real
this ring
respresents everything we feel
this ring
on me, it's all i've ever wanted
this ring
turns a leaf, of a past no longer haunted
this ring
and the diamond, like the glimmer in your eye
this ring
tell me, there's a happy reason to cry
this ring
reminds me of you on one knee
this ring
it means there'll always be a "you and me"
this ring
lets me know that your sight will never wander
this ring
i a step that takes most men longer to ponder
this ring
is a toast to our amazing new lives
this ring
makes me ecstatic for when the moment arrives*

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Poem - Coffee & Butter

when i sit alone, i imagine you there
with your Otter mustache and your long, willow hair
imagining a vivid, a splendid life with you,
and mornings filled with Coffee and Butter.

when i see trees, i remember those photos of me
you took, in the yard, behind your house
and climbing over the gate with your mother's camera
how you said you thought my smile was pretty

remembering the first time we said "i love you"
and the poem you wrote me only days before
the candy and soda on a Saturday morning
when i was 16, and you still walked to my house

when I'm at home by myself, and i want to cry 
i wish for you, to gaze into your wide, star-burst eyes
imagining a vivid, a splendid life with you,
and mornings filled with Coffee and Butter.

i hope we stay this way; together, for all time
to write each other vows, buy a house, and call you mine
just to sleep next to you, without our parents to object
you and i, we are beyond just "i love you"

ever since those pleasant memories,
so many more pleasant happenings,
just the thought of us "happening"

i pray that you can see it in my face, and feel it too
because there will not one person I'll ever adore as much as you
you may not believe it, but it's true
if only you truly knew

when i daydream, all i see is your face
caressing your chin, in a full-armed embrace
imagining a vivid, a splendid life with you,
and endless mornings filled with Coffee and Butter.

Poem - No One

in bed, she lies; she stares
to the blank, white sky; off-white
i  n  s  i  d  e
no sun.

stepping down from her own safety suit,
cringing a her feet hit the floor, almost fearing life
o   u   t   s   i   d   e
no more.

forgetting to remove yesterday's mask,
the faded make-up, like faded energy
i   n   s   i   d   e
no thoughts.

nothing but tired, and needing more sleep
the inability, inevitably; insomnia
i  n  s  i  d  e
no rest.

mind astray. array, askew, unlike her eyes
somehow embarrassed, yet remaining unnoticed
o  u  t  s  i  d  e
no one.

Poem - (not) a New Start

it was sunny and warm,
but it felt frozen, somewhat bleak;
i felt bare.
      new walls;
      new halls;
   a new hell.
it was like a fairytale;
      all too familiar, 
and just as unkind.
off-white bricks
old foam ceilings
vile tiles, a floor so common
and most people, all the same.
     just as before.
there are no maps for this journey,
just like there wasn't the last time
"is this really what you want?"
take the chance.
do your art.
what a 

Saturday, January 12, 2013

{my 1,400th post} Poem - g [c] l a s s e s

classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
everyone here is either dark or light,
despite who i am, in the middle of the two
who knows
i think it's odd?
that's how i feel, and now you know
classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
i'm late
a year late
everything is late
i hate to be late,
now i'm late forever.
i try to do my best,
but i can't turn back time
classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
my confidence is gone
is there intellect at all?
why not, in the opinion of all who watched me fall
its like i'm empty in there,
like an acorn, but with hair
minus the acorn,
added a body
classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
i just want to paint
to write;
to draw;
to sing;
to live in a world
that runs on hearts instead of brains
if this place isn't real,
then it will be one day
and if i have to do it myself,
i will
and do it my way
classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
not everyone is like me
and really, that's fine
like many others, i don't like me most of the time
i wish i could pass school,
that people thought i was "cool"
but i'm too old for these juvenile dreams

the time is up, it's time to go
it's time to grow
i'm 20 years old, old enough to know
classes, glasses, lessons and life
the torture of school, it's strain and it's gripe
even in a room where it's okay to rhyme
i can't help but feel out of place all the time
and that's fine.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Poem - Dear, Charlie

send me golden dollars
     to hold in my hands
          so i can feel the embossing of her face.
give me your hand
     and put it in mine
          because i'm too young to cross alone in your eyes.

let me read old comics
     in your daughters old room
          so i can feel the past through your thoughts.
come to my wedding
     and sit there, front row and center
          whether or not you're alive.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

"like" my facebook page!

made myself a nifty cover photo :)
click the picture!

Poem - Coconut Soda (Christmas in Bed)

Coconut soda,
absent for years
a gift that nearly brought me to tears
i want to say, "if only she knew"
but this is mi hermana,
an out-of-the-norm, too
it couldn't be more thoughtful,
so unexpected, so dear
although reluctant, i still held her near
i couldn't tell what it was,
at a glance, maybe booze,
but at only 15, that possibility was shrew
i thought it was cream soda, maybe the beer of root,
but the only root here, was my heart.
ah,  n  o  s  t  a  l  g  i  a
my childhood love
my all-time favorite soda,
from an unexpected one.
we may not always get along,
but you know, times like these
remind me that we're still family
and tells me there's still a love
we say we hate each other,
but its a lie.
and it's obvious, too
still no one in my life is as thoughtful as you
it was special, it was sweet,
it was important and meaningful to me
and i hope you realize my excitement,
because my happiness is hard to find
and you found it in glass, with carbon inside.
i don't remember Puerto Rico,
but i feel as if i do,
i can love it, treasure it, taste it
and i wish i always could
it may seem minuscule,
but the littlest of things....
they're always best.
one single bottle,
green, shining glass
tastes like The Island,
and good times, alas
I'll thank you forever
and I'll never forget
coconut soda
on Christmas,
in bed.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Acrostic - Mooki

My baby, my sleep
Of peace
Of sweet
Kisses, for me?
I remember the beginning

My pain, my heart
Of breaks
Of parts
Kisses, for me?
I remember the beginning

My love, my soul
Of beauty
Of whole
Kneeling, for me?
I remember the beginning

Monday, January 7, 2013

Outfit of the day (ft. red boots!)


shirt: Rude
undershirt: Fallas Paredes
Jeans: wetseal [graffiti by Nick]
legwarmers: generic
boots: off-brand