Poem - Spring Mourning

spring is nice, or at least the weather
it doesn't mean your mood has to be the same
even when its sunny, in my mind, it still rains

i've grown so tired and bothered that its starting to really hurt
but at least now, i can wear my favorite shirts without being cold
 or at least not cold on the outside

my frustration has gotten so strong that it is pushing me to the edge,
i never really thought i would be at the tip of a cliff like this
now i have one desicion: to jump off
                                      or keep myself up

i'll think about which one seems to be the better choice
although not one looks better than the other at the moment
so i will let you decide for me, when you decide to come back
                                                    if you decide to come back

i'll sit on my doorstep and watch the cars pass by,
just a way to pass the time. but i know you wont drive by
i'll really be watching the grass hoping maybe a bug will jump out

  i want to see butterflies
i want to have butterflies

but i don't want the rain

Poem - Another Untitled

Here i am again, in this familiar place
i have this feeling in my stmach that i just cant seem to erase
i dont ike this subject for my mind to chase,
as i feel the blood rushing away from my face
going pale with my heart in my throat
i die a little more as each word i wrote
trying not to choke on each breath i toke
i have grown cold and am withouta coat
i am lost but without a scapegoat
i look at youu with the subtle eyes of a lost kitten
longing for you to find me and forever i'll sit in
this whole i dug because i will never fit in
and thinking of all of these letters i havent sent but have written*

heartagram

a doodle from my algebra notes

Lyrics - Until Our Lips Meet

i want to feel your arms around my waist and the pressure of your stare
so i can sense your warmth and the texture of your hair
then i want to caress your face
as i'm held tight in your embrace
and i'll draw you closer
                         closer
                   and closer
                                  until our lips meet


feel me, feel me
baby, wont you heal me
i miss you and it hurts so bad
but when you hold me, i am so glad
love me, touch me
baby, dont you hush me
so i can tell you more and more
that i'll love you forever more


i want to hear your voice so softly in my ear
filling with "i love you"s and things i like to hear
and then i'll hold you close
and be near this love of which i chose
and i'll draw you closer
                         closer
                   and closer
                                 until our lips meet


feel me, feel me
baby, wont you heal me
i miss you and it hurts so bad
but when you hold me, i am so glad
love me, touch me
baby, dont you hush me
so i can tell you more and more
that i'll love you forever more

Poem - Nightmare Summary, Goodnight

i am feeling distant and pushed away
slowly but surely, my perfect life has gone array
i did not want this, my nightmare, to exist
dreams should only be dreams
they should stay buried within the depths of sleep

i am lost and i am losing
i am hurt and i am hurting
i am cursed yet still cursing
   and i do know that this is wrong,
   nor do i mean to do so

kneel beside me, for i am ill
use every tool you can find and think of to try and fix me
teach me to float before i drown in my sorrows,
   for i long to see a life ahead

look into my eyes, do you see the blank stare?
it is almost as if i am not there...
from every scornful and burning glare,
i take them all in, but they tear me down

i am thinking of wandering into a familiar place,
and i wil follow the blue mouse there
i'll lay down and lok at the stars with the wind curling into my hair
she'll lay beside me and attempt to speak
although, she knows i hardly understand

i want to sleep and have sweet dreams as i did before
but this time, i would prefer to stay in my dream world

Poem - Untitled 5

there is a reason i hold on to your one hand with my two,
i cant let go of you
i cant let myself drop you because my grip is insecure
i lay my head on your chest to hear your heart beating
though it doesnt beat so loud, i still listen
the way you listen to me talk
i touch your face to make you smile
so sun can shine in on my stormy eyes
then i gaze upon your angel face to know everything will be fine
your starbursting eyes remind me that our love goes beyond the universe
your are my perfect image of beauty
on the inside and on the outside
all i can do is love you

Poem - I Do Remember Everything

i can't do it, but
don't worry about me
over all, all i am is this:
nothing
the world will be better, if i
can make it that way
and when i am ready,
everything will turn out fine
anyhow, i am useless
nothing is making sense in my head
you are all out to get me, i knew the whole time
may you please stop now...
on and on, i do
remember
everything

Poem - Thief of My Masterpiece

there you are, oh, welcome back
i see that you have come from my past to devour my future once again
i say to you please, don't do this to me, for i cant bear the pain.
what are you doing and where did you come from?
how dare you try to take what is rightfully mine?
no, i will not let you! you will not do this again!
no, 
not to me,
not again.


i see the way you can change people's minds,
molding them with your fingers, i see you have been practicing
now you have chosen the wrong subject to sculpt
i will not let you ruin this masterpiece!
this is true beauty, this is one of a kind, this is mine
this is the only thing i am unwilling to share, 
~  yet the one thing of mine everyone wishes to take


i wish you all to take my advice,
and my advice is to stop.


i am very genrous, yes, it is true...
but i would like to have this one thing to myself
my beautiful masterpiece.
my previous creation was small, 
precious, but small, and flawed
my creation had diminished within its self, but you were the help
you let the paint drip down off of the canvas
and then you laughed about it
but with this...
          with this, you can see the big picture


with this masterpiece, i will have a future
       this masterpiece will make me successful
       this masterpiece will give me something to be proud of
       this masterpiece is more important to me than any other creation of mine
       this masterpiece is my LOVE


my last creation, it fell apart,
                          it fell apart right as you entered my studio
as soon as your image fell onto my design, it could no longer be complete
your criticism was harsh and blunt
but you only criticized when no one else was around
you would look at me as if i was a friend, until all of my art supplies were away
then i was only another person for you to hurt...


do you not realize what you are doing?
if you had a beautiful creation such as mine, would you want it to ruin?
would you not care about the condition of the masterpiece its self?


and what about the beholder...
think of how the beholder of this masterpiece feels
this creation was God-sent to ME
this creation was made for ME


why must you come back?
you hurt me behind other's backs,
and the one's who's backs were turned never did a thing


you are going to give me unpleasant dreams,
i will end up drawing images onto my paper,
but not with the fluid grace of my hand,
but with the jaded rage in my heart that i will always have for you in the back of my mind


i will stand to be in your presence, but i will NOT let you ruin my masterpiece.


Art is LOVE, and LOVE is Beauty.
i have waited my entire life to hold something so spectacular,
                                                                    so beautiful,
                                                                    so perfect.


do you see this now?
do not steal from me, please.
i will beg you on my hands and my knees,
i will stay kneeling, begging to you until they are sore
please, please, do not take away my masterpiece.
i will not punish you for your wrong doings,
but i will silently scorn you for the rest of your days


do you now feel my desperation?
i am now weeping at your feet!
stay away and keep away, i cannot let you do this

2 collages

these were part of an art project, they are the inside covers of a book "sculpture" i made

i would show you the outside covers, 

but my project is in a display case at the moment

i am happy to say :)

the book's theme is love,

i was thinking of my own love when i was making it

some of the quotes if you cant read them:

first cover:

"remember that night"

"i was lucky enough to end up happy for the first time in my life"

"we seek inspiration"

"i'm fascinated by love"

"as beautiful as they look"

"a kiss is still a kiss"

"masterpiece"

"its a beautiful thing"

second cover:

"long live Love"

"let us show you hearts on fire"

"it feels right..."

"every day matters"

"as long as there are angels..."

although these are cut out from magazines,

i really did put alot of feeling into these